I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
