Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
