Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
