dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
