my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
