What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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