he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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