Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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