so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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