He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
