Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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