what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
