She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
