He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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