how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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