He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
