is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
as a side note pls kill me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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