bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
