I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
