i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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