Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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