I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
