I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
