Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
