I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize