mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
