I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
