I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
