Just fell off a train. Bad.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
