i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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