my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
