im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I deserve this hangover.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
