anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
