i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
