I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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