i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
