So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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