Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
