your thong is hanging out like whoa
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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