I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
