I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
