I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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