Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
