I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
