I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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