did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
