I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I forget how to act sober
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
