He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
