Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
