wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need to sanitize my soul.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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