this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
