u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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