True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
