That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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