i need an iv and a liver transplant
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
