Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
