So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
