i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize