While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
