So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
