I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
