That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Who did Billy Mays play for?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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