We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
