lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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