Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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