Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
