Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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