if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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