Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
