sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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