I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
