I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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