I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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