forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
