i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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