I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Randomize
