So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize